Beginning in the Middle

Where to begin writing about spiritual awareness is like trying to figure out which noodle is the first noodle in a bowl of spaghetti, every noodle touches almost every other one, so I'll just start. It will probably seem like the middle, and it probably is. Life is like that though, we are always in the middle until we die and then we are in the middle of something else.

About this blog: I am not interested in surface topics. Although what I write may seem simple, I find that what is deeply true for us has its foundation in what is simple, not always easy, but simple. Many people lack the awareness of what it takes to go into and then stay in the deep, to stay in the profound within that they are, whether fully seen or not. Once there is the awareness of what it takes, then comes what may be uncomfortable and difficult, giving everything you are to what you know is true within, in your heart. This is a place that only the honest will go because it brings up everything within to be seen and be responsible for. A definition of responsible: Something that is in our care.

Personally, I'm not interested in being comfortable; it never got me what I spent most of my life looking for, in fact, it kept me away from what I most loved and knew was true within. What I am interested in is Truth and giving myself only to that and then being that with everything that I am.

Notes from John De Ruiter, my teacher and example, fill books and my personal conversations fill about 500 pages in file folders. No doubt I'll refer to these at times. I will probably also include favorite quotes from various saints, sages, knowers, and seers. Oh, and something I love to do, which is ask you questions to consider and we can then chat about them here.

Something that just popped into my mind is a line from a song by the Grateful Dead "What a long strange trip it's been." It seems like a pretty random thought, but isn't this true for all of us? When I look at my life so far, at the choices made, synchronicities experienced and just plain unusual occurrences that I can only call grace, or possibly destiny, life seems like a long strange trip hurtling toward what looks like the unknown. For me, I often find myself musing, "Where did that come from, and why now?"

One thing I do know for sure is that I don't have to go looking for what is next to take on, to master, to deal with. Life always brings us what we next need to know. For instance, if I feel the need for quiet, what I notice is how much it isn't quiet. I can then settle within, being more quiet inside regardless of what is happening around me.

Back to the Grateful Dead. I have gratefully died many many times and will continue to do so. All this really means to me is completely letting go of ways of being, internal patterns, that hinder my ability to fully know and see. Letting go to the extent that that area fades into the background and no longer has force in my life, such as impatience, self-importance, willfulness.

People say they don't know how to let go, but we do it every night when we go to sleep. Everyone can let go of no longer productive or unhealthy ways of relating or identifying. What we once did not relate to can be let go of. Like I said above, simple and maybe not so easy.

If there is some way of being you would like to let go of, love letting go of it, for example love letting go of being stingy, love letting go of being right, whatever is there for you that is in the way of you being just you. Saying I want to let go of something does not get it to move, nothing happens in that statement. However, if you love letting go of something there is a gentle, kind, soft movement, a flow. There is no force or willfulness in loving letting go. There is a sense of honoring what one is as a being.

There is a door to step through and what gets you to the entrance is softness, kindness, openness of heart. Pay close attention to being these qualities, without these firmly established within you, how can the heart take you to everything within? This is the place to begin. Let go of everything that would keep you from being open, kind, soft and honest within. Everyone can be this, everyone can do this.

"If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you." Gospel of Thomas (quote attributed to Jesus)

I will be posting at least twice a week, and will try to answer questions and responses daily.

Peace and love...